If a gentleman is sure about his choice it usually leads him to creation of a permanent relationship with a lady. And then she moves to him, as a rule, and faces the necessity to meet unknown environment and foreign culture.
Not every woman manages to get accustomed to a new surrounding. One may think that the time will do its thing… Why interfere? However adaptation of a Slavic woman to unusual conditions in most cases requires support on the part of the partner.
A person coming into a foreign culture takes one thing easily (or even gladly), there are also things he has to put up with. However some moments are very difficult or even impossible for him to accept.
How to help the lady pass this stage of getting used to new conditions successfully? How to facilitate the realization of her fundamental interests? We hope to help you make it with several our recommendations.
General information on adaptation
Distinctive features of successful adaptation of people are the feelings of harmony with the environment, psychological wellbeing and satisfaction.
Steady maintenance of enumerated states is hampered but culture and mentality differences, discrepancies in details (including everyday life ones) which the majority of emigrants don't think about before moving. A so called culture shock showing itself in course of adaptation is observed in brides from Russia and Ukraine in a number of cases.
Culture shock is characterized by discomfort from realizing the differences between the cultures, the feeling of being an outcast, confusion about the system of values. All that is accompanied by a growing anxiety level, insomnia, irritability, lack of self-confidence and sometimes depression and (or) psychosomatic diseases.
Do you remember us talking about positive features of stress in one of the chapters? In course of adaptation the level of stress often turns out to be so high that it can hardly be considered useful. Psychologists call this state distress.
If lady's partner (husband, fiance) doesn't support her she finds herself in an unknown surrounding without any help. All her friends and relatives stay in her home country. Russians and Ukrainians in their countries are used to sharing their troubles and problems with each other getting internally free from the worries. It's impossible abroad, especially in Western countries.
What to do? Does a lady have to feel the pressure of stress and suffer? Not at all. Favorable conditions let stress pave the way to successful adaptation and to personal growth, as a consequence.
What influences the process of adaptation?
There are three main groups of factors influencing the process of adaptation:
Pay attention to the third point. Close environment of your lady is you, basically. It means that the state of the Slavic woman who had the heart to change her destiny and move to a foreign country depends on you in the first turn.
Is it worth forcing the lady to change her habits? Such behavior strategy will lead to conflicts and a growing level of stress. A loving woman can accommodate her partner in many questions. But it's unreasonable to demand of her everything at once.
Speaking of conflicts… the most painful for a personality conflicts are those concerning national and ethnic values learnt at mother's knees. Any action of a personality gets sense only when complying with these and other psychological values. The lady will oppose or get hurt in case of their leveling. Can the successful adaptation be possible under such conditions? Hardly. You shouldn't laugh at peculiarities of woman's world view and point out some drawbacks that you see in it.
Experience shows that not all countrymen of Slavic women treat them without prejudice. Sometimes the enmity of people in a new country makes Russian and Ukrainian suffer. In such situations you need to protect your bride in public and first of all treat her with genuine respect. She doesn't have anybody else to ask for support at the beginning.
If you really love a lady from Russia and Ukraine, then you'll probably want take some steps to create conditions for her mild and smooth adaptation helping her fulfill her interests (not just professional) and rendering moral support.
How to facilitate adaptation process?
Moving to a foreign fiance is associated with certain transformation of personality resembling a new birth. A lady has to master unknown language, understand peculiarities of foreign culture, etc. Children cope with such things a lot easier than adults. A mature person can't overcome these difficulties because of habits and established opinions.
The younger a lady is, the more the chances are that her adaptation will go smoothly. The biggest difficulties have very sensitive ladies. But sensitivity is a great plus for a partner of such lady. Emotional and keenly appreciating the world these ladies can be incredibly perceptive and tender towards their spouses. Is it about your bride? Then protect her from the first day of the arrival. Your efforts will be rewarded.
One of the most common problems a lady faces immediately after moving to another country is that she can't understand the language of local population and can't speak it to be understood. Motivate your lady to master the language. Make her learn at least a couple new words every day. It would be great if she attended special language courses. However, there were cases when women went without courses and preferred self-education giving a lot of attention to conversations in the partner's language in their family circle. The faster a lady masters a foreign language, the sooner she'll get rid of the feeling of helplessness appearing at the necessity to talk to people around her.
Some women speaking the partner's language try to find a job after moving to him. In some cases they don't manage to do it at once. However sometimes a highly educated and teachable woman who is career-oriented gets a job and succeeds acquiring haters and intentionally paving the way for conflicts with the colleagues.
Let your home become her reliable fortress in this case. If the lady feels uneasy at work and with, how can she adapt to a new life?
It will be amazing if your lady makes acquaintance of another Slavic woman with the experience of living in your country. Such lady will, probably, support your bride not only in language learning, but also in adaptation process. You should take account of the fact that fellow countrywomen have the same aspects of world perception and their communication goes easily.
Tell your bride about traditions and peculiarities of culture in your country. Inform her of accepted standards of behavior, but try not to devalue things that are important to her.
Some cities of different countries have support centers for emigrants. You can sign the lady up for a training series in this center. It is especially good, if you don't have enough time to help her yourself.
If your bride is nostalgic, she may be sad for a little while, but don't let her get depressed. Observe, what makes her glad and happy and use it to cheer her up.
Discuss with your bride plans for your future together. Set goals – common and individual. Go for their accomplishment. Busy people have not time to be bored or worry about the imperfection of life. The lady wants to work? Help her find a spot. She hopes to get or continue education? Why not? Your lady wants to fulfill herself as a housewife? Let her do it. A person caught by some idea usually deals with adaptation in a foreign country easily. The main thing is that she can't sit at home all day long doing nothing and waiting you from work.
Making plans don't hope too much for the lady to follow them carefully. Not every Slavic woman likes level and structured life style. Sometimes Russian soul asks for spontaneity. If your bride was used to living by intuition in her country, it will be difficult for her to adjust to the necessity to follow some pattern. She reminds of a child with this quality of hers. Why not let her be imperfect at least sometimes?
Speaking of children… You decided to marry a woman with a child? Try to accept him/her as your own, otherwise there will be difficulties. Adaptation process will be complicated by mother's worries for her baby.
In case your bride gets pregnant, everything will get even harder for her. Pregnant women often cry and require increased attention on the husband's part. Pregnancy and adaptation process complicate each other's flow. You need to be super attentive and caring.
A lady going abroad finds herself far away from her relatives. Family connections of Russian and Ukrainian people are usually incredibly strong. The bride misses and wants to talk to her family? Phone calls? Okay. But nowadays the Internet offers amazing opportunities for communication over a distance. Why not use them? Skype, ICQ, E-mails, and lots more! Well, you know it yourself.
Try to learn about at least some peculiarities of the mentality of your bride's countrymen. Thus you'll be able to understand her better, picturing how she sees the world around her. You still don't understand? Then ask questions, show your interest in details, draw conclusions and then ask again. Keep on until everything is clear to you. Tell your lady that you want to create better conditions for her in this way.
Don't expect the lady to become the embodiment of your ideal woman stereotypes. Remember that she is a unique personality. There are no two identical persons, let alone ideal. Increased demands to the lady will make her suffer and won't facilitate the adaptation process, for sure.
You must remember that attitude to money of Slavic women is mixed. To save or to spend money as your soul says? After a while of living together you will find a common line of behavior. And now be attentive to your lady understanding that she was raised by other people.
Let your bride have the opportunity to dive into something Slavic at least occasionally: read books in Russian, listen to music, watch movies, etc. many women feel genuine delight if they manage to find a channel broadcasting Russian and Ukrainian programs.
Slavic people are mainly hospitable and welcoming. Let your bride have guests. Introduce her to your friends. On coming to you she has left not only her family, but her friends also. She may find your friends' company nice.
Don't forget to show your love. Love works magic and certainly can make adaptation process easier. Many men feeling love and affection don't show it. The majority of Slavic women are very romantic. Flowers from the man or a little present… Words of love and tenderness… Candlelight dinner… These simple things can remedy the situation even after a quarrel.
Slavic women are sometimes hot-tempered, but they recover as quickly as they flare up. Hardly any Russian or Ukrainian woman would furiously defend some trifling opinions. But if she tells you about something that she considers important, you should probably listen to her. Her position can't be called simple. Don't aggravate it with your lack of attention.
Psychologists say that absolute positive acceptance is healing even without specific actions. Do you like your lady? Do you understand that it's difficult for her to get accustomed to new circumstances? Then use our recommendations. Is your case exceptional? You don't know how to help? Then maybe you should just let everything the woman wants (within reasonable, of course) happen. The lady is wrong and doesn't want to listen to you? Then she'll make a mistake, get experience and make it other name the next time. Slavic women can learn from their mistakes, as a rule.
Generally, Russian and Ukrainian women can do a lot. They are tolerant, kind, feminine, thrifty, sexual and beautiful. They have all those unique qualities a woman needs to make a man happy. The girl of your choice may bring happiness to your house. Help your bride get accustomed to new conditions, love her, guard her from unnecessary problems and she'll return you a hundredfold from all her mysterious, but great and generous Russian heart.