The profile is filled in, photos are posted. Personal information of candidates is looked through. Do you want to start making contacts? Should you wait until you get a message from a woman or is it better to write first?
The most attractive women get so many letters that they have no time to view profiles. They have time just to answer. That's why if you want to establish a contact with beautiful and interesting ladies you need to initiate a conversation yourself.
Principles of drawing-up a letter with invitation for dating
What style of writing to choose to produce a proper effect? How to present yourself to impress a lady favorably?
First of all, try to seem satisfied with yourself and people around you. Use the following principle: "I am OK, you are OK, the world is OK".
Before writing remember all your successes in love life or just try to imagine. How would a person who is successful in his relationships write the first letter, if her were you? And when you are imbued with a condition of such gentleman, get to writing. Spontaneity and intuition will guide you in a right direction. Be creative. It's important that a woman should notice your personal touch.
Don't address a female user officially. However, undue familiarity won't do any good as well. A certain touch of boldness might be useful, but in order not to cross the line you'd better stay polite and courteous.
"Hello, how are you?" If the rest of the letter looks like this, a lady will get bored and turn to messages from other web-site users or answer, but in the same cliche way. What will you do, when you get: "Hi. I'm fine."?
"I'm tired of loneliness. I feel sad." These sentences will bore anyone. A lady will think that you are a whiner and inclined to depressions. Set to writing only in good spirits.
A lady will get a great part of impression from your first message. If you tell about yourself calmly and with dignity, you'll gain self-confidence in her eyes. Humorous tone will be indicative of a good temper. Mild style and tact will show your good manners, etc.
You must call a lady you chose by name. If you don't bother to mention lady's name in the text, she'll think that she is just another one from a thousand for you. You don't want to create such effect, do you?
First words to make a connection should be those reflecting your admiration of her looks and inner qualities. Make compliments, but let them be not too banal. A woman must realize that you are not spilling cliches, but addressing her. You must also mention the reason why you chose her profile from other ones.
Ask the lady about herself and her world perception. It will stir her interest and make her answer and continue communication. She won't have to think long about what to write you in return.
When creating a letter you may cite the text posted at the lady's page. Thus, you'll show that you studied her profile carefully.
Make your first message informative for a woman to remember it. However you need to know when to stop. Not many women are patient enough to read a large letter with unnecessary details to the end. On the other hand, women rarely want to answer messages which are too short. She must find a reason for not being indifferent.
So, how long exactly should the first letter be? Experience shows that the greatest number of responses get letters half a page long. Telling something try to give the main idea without delving into unnecessary details.
Be clear and simple, avoid abstruse and flowery phrases. Your letter must radiate warmth and not ice-cold seriousness and tedium. Describe your character a little bit. Tell what you like doing. But remember she'll like it more if she and her personal peculiarities are the centre of attention, and not you.
State a reason in your message, why you think that you and a lady you liked have a chance to build a relationship you want. Pay special attention to describing her merits.
Should you flirt in the first letter? Why not? It can make her feel playful and efface some boundaries that are in the way of making contacts. Stay delicate when flirting. Emotions of conversation partners are rarely traced in their written speech. So when trying to entertain or intrigue a lady, you can upset, offend or scare her off unintentionally.
Humor has sometimes a positive influence on communication (especially in its beginning). A timely and witty joke can make a woman smile and look at you as a person who is able to cheer her up. After that a woman will be glad get the following letters, especially if you keep using a magic force of humor. However, as in the case of flirting, stay sensible. If you are not much of a joker, don't act.
You can write a warm and sincere letter in a friendly style. In order to tune in, imagine that you are talking to your relative or good dating.
Speaking of relatives, by the way. It would be great if you mentioned your family, brothers and sisters in your letter. It's not necessary for the first letter, though. It's you making the dating with a lady, not your relatives. You can talk about your children. The majority of Russian women are okay with a man having children from previous marriages.
Slavic women looking for a partner relationship with Western men don't usually have a large experience of traveling abroad. If you ask a lady whether she wants to visit your country as a tourist, you may arouse her interest as well. However it's early to invite her in the first letter.
In the end of the letter ask a woman for an answer. Tell her you are looking forward to it.
If web-site functionality allows you to specify the theme of a letter, it should make a woman want to read this letter at once. The theme must sound impressive but not like the one of a spam letter. Examples of rather good themes: "To the mysterious lady", "Dreaming of becoming acquainted with you", "Hoping for communication".
How to use information from the profile in the first letter?
Read the lady' profile. You must touch upon at least one of the moments she described at her page. Pay attention to the questions a lady is interested in.
Every person likes when somebody is interested in him. You should talk about the good things that have happened in a candidate's life. It will cheer her up.
People can become friends if they have similar thoughts, words, looks, beliefs, inner values or something else. But you can change another variant of making a contact. It consists in demonstration of readiness to compensate for the things a woman is lacking.
Before writing the first letter, study the profile of a chosen lady once more. You will probably find similar traits easily.
But what about compensation of the lacking? What to talk about?
Who is the lady you liked and who is she looking for? Let's see by examples, what needs reflects ladies' personal information.
Nice and modest hopes to meet an ambitious man? Then be more active and speak openly about your goals and aspirations.
A business lady wants to find happiness with a caring gentleman? Then you need to emphasize in your letter readiness to become such.
A romantic girl dreams about an emotional and sensitive partner? Address her poems, send a postcard or virtual present (if web-site functionality allows). Many women dream about romantics, even ladies with a large negative relationship experience. That's why your emotional admiration and enthusiasm in your first letter will surely do you good.
Generally, the principle of attention drawing is probably clear. A woman must understand that you can satisfy her needs (if it really is so, of course). But don't lie. You can't hide your real personality and usual behavior.
What not to write in the first letter?
You can't talk about sex and use phrases with erotic implication in the first letter.
Calling her baby, sweetheart or another pet name? It's hardly appropriate in the beginning of your relationship.
You shouldn't at once tell the lady that she is your soulmate and describe your far-reaching plans for your life together.
If you start a long narration about your previous unsuccessful relationships and a grudge against representatives of the fair sex, you risk being blacklisted.
There is no need to repeat in your message information that you already stated in your profile.
The story of your problems (of personal character or other) is not the best way to attract attention. Do you want to stir pity or find a person for a long-term relationship?
All your personal information you'll tell gradually and naturally in course of further chatting.
Many men don't want to waste time chatting and prefer talks over the phone or real meetings. Well, it's understandable, but there is no sense in giving your phone number or ask for her contact information in the first letter. At this stage a woman knows practically nothing about you. Have patience and let her feel the need to talk to you and meet you in a real life.
A dating site is not a place for global repentance before the humanity. There were cases when a gentleman decided not to hide anything and brought down a list of his numerous drawbacks on a lady. But a woman is not a confessor. Why does she need to listen to it? And by the way a lady may like those your characteristics that you consider bad. Should you hide things you don't like about yourself from a woman? Of course, not. Tell her about it later, when your communication becomes more confidential. And she may also notice everything herself.
You'd better devote some space to your merits. Why not put yourself in a favorable light? Don't be shy, although excessive boasting hasn't yet made anyone more attractive. Self-idealization doesn't look good.
Let's mention a couple more topics discouraging dating:
Golden algorithm of the first letter is: personal greeting + close attention to the profile + creative approach + positive attitude + light style + romantics + clearness and laconism without needless details.
Now you know enough to write the first letter that will draw attention of a lady you liked. Create messages, meet, experiment.
Send letters to different ladies. Watch their reactions. Analysis of your own conversation strategies and their results will let you move on, improve and become more successful in making contacts and building relationships.
It happens that a site user makes up one letter and takes it as a basis for other messages addressed to different women. This way he hopes to get as many responses as possible.
Should you do it too? It's up to you. But letters of such character get answers much rarer than individual ones. Just one third of addressees respond to this text pattern.
What if a lady who could become your destiny were among those not answering?
However, no matter what you write in the first letter (and how many women it is addressed to), you are the one to decide. Just take everything happening at a dating site as experience required for gaining wisdom and draw conclusions. Then everything will work out great for you.