Dating Advice
A woman showed herself to advantage in your virtual chatting? Then, sooner or later, you'll want to talk to her in person (over the telephone, via Skype, using some webchats, webcams or other technical devices that let you see and hear your conversation partner). How to choose moment to start communicating with a lady in a real-time mode? How to facilitate communication process?
When to move to real-life communication?
Some men don't like writing letters and so they try to exchange numbers with ladies as soon as possible and get to talking. There's nothing wrong with it as it seems from the first sight. But if you look deeper you'll see that this approach has a lot of minuses.
First of all, when talking to a Russian-speaking lady and without sufficient experience in translation of the simplest texts both sides have hard time apprehending oral speech. As a result, the partners start getting nervous. Such conversation dies quickly. Secondly, without having enough information about each other conversation partners may fail to find common themes for discussion. Thirdly, not all questions are easily discussed aloud. Writing lets people show their personality, feel comfortable when asking questions of concern and satisfy curiosity of their conversation partners. Fourthly, it's easy today to translate electronic messages. There are special computer programs (off- and online). You can also use services of professional translator. It's more difficult during real-life communication. Conversation between a man and a woman is more emotional and sincere without third parties involved.
Do you think we are trying to talk you out of making phone calls? Not at all. Message exchange has several advantages over other communication types, but real talks have a lot of pluses too. We don't recommend you to procrastinate the moment when you'll be able to talk in real-time mode.
Heart-to-heart conversation. Only hearing or seeing another person you can touch his inner world, feel the mood, dive into emotions and understand what he really wanted to tell you with his words. It's unthinkable to refuse a miracle of real communication.
Not all gentlemen are in a hurry to use this opportunity even if they are willing to. Why? The thing is, they are afraid of presenting themselves not in the most favorable light before a lady or being disappointed with her. Another reason is language barrier that is unfortunately present in the majority of cases.
There is no sense to worry about the impression you'll make on a woman. If your liking is mutual, you'll start talking some day. So, the moment of getting to know each other closer is inevitable (if you are looking for a real relationship, of course). A person doesn't change much even in years. Sooner or later your lady will see real you without a mask. Thus, let your worries in the past. Besides, if this lady seems not very attractive to you upon a closer view, you'll sooner have a chance to find your happiness with someone else. Why procrastinating the time?
If you liked chatting and exchanged information about the most important things like ideas of life stages, religion, children (existing or potentially possible), role positions in family, etc., get to communication via the phone, Skype or video chat. If you don't have major differences in opinions and attachment grows, it's probably high time you exchanged phone numbers, don't you think so? Listen to your heart. Is it time? There is hardly anyone who can answer this question for you.
You are going to call, but don't know what to do about language barrier? Then look through the information below.
Overcoming language barrier
A Slavic woman registering at a dating site for foreigners usually understands that she'll hardly find a man who speaks Russian. As a rule she is ready to obtain skills of communicating in partner's language. Russian women are usually selflessly struggling against difficulties. This national trait shows itself to the most, if overcoming of obstacles gives the opportunity to love and be loved. So why not facilitate the task for a lady supporting her and rendering assistance in her efforts aimed at overcoming language barrier which is virtually the result of a fear to make a mistake?
There are three main reasons for a fear of speaking foreign language. The first one lies in insufficient knowledge. Any person can master the basics of foreign language. You'll help a lady obtain necessary knowledge and skills being attentive to her. Compliment her as often as possible for any achievements. There are no achievements yet? The fact of making something is worthy of respect. Praise her even for taking some steps on her way to overcoming language barrier. There will be progress, you'll see.
A lady mastering your language speaks funny? Does she look amusing to you? Is it worth joking on this topic? What if she doesn't understand your humor and gets hurt? Try to be careful towards her. Imagine that there is a little child instead of your partner. Basically, it really is so. In the process of learning an adult has his child's part of personality active which is curious, but tender and sensitive. Show your care towards it.
The second reason of language barrier lies in unpleasant childhood worries associated with learning of foreign language or something else. Many people were excessively criticized by teachers or parents in their childhood. And it doesn't matter, whether they were scolded for incorrectly learned lesson or for some other mistakes. And some people were ridiculed by their peers in their childhood.
Growing up such person is afraid of making a mistake. But any learning is accompanied, as a rule, by mistakes (language acquisition as well). Let a lady be imperfect. You should tell her from time to time: "What a wonderful mistake!" And then the inner child of an adult woman will definitely feel happy, deserving and having a right for any manifestations. This approach will let a lady practice her skills in unfamiliar language without worries.
Third reason of language barrier is the lack of foreign language speaking automatism. It occurs if a person focuses not on the phrase itself, but whether it is made correctly or not. The way to solve this problem is the same as with previous ones: support, praise and let make mistakes.
Message exchange is excellent practice for overcoming of language barrier. You'll prepare a lady for real-time communication and let her switch to it smoothly, if you devote enough time to chatting. Ask a lady to do without a translator when exchanging written messages. Let her understand your letters on her own (with a dictionary). It will be amazing if you do the same thing. You and a Russian lady you like have a common goal – to achieve understanding. So go to your aim together and success won't be long.
Preparing for the first talk
If a person doesn't know everything about his communication partner, then even having a picture he begins to imagine the missing things: voice, facial expressions, speech peculiarities, etc.
People before a phone talk with a virtual acquaintance unintentionally picture them. But when a real conversation happens, it usually turns out that expected and real images are not the same. Don't be surprised or upset, if your chatting partner has a thin and high-pitched voice even if you were sure that her voice timbre sounded not like that. Stay calm when you see the difference in expected and real looks and behavior of our lady when talking in Skype or video chat.
Human's psyche is made so, that in most cases a person likes something familiar more than something unknown. Let yourself switch over. If a lady interests you as a personality, you'll get used to her natural appearance, behavior and voice quickly. But don't make yourself continue communication with a lady you don't consider attractive. Tell her about your intention to end communication directly, but delicately.
If you have to do this, talk about yourself and not about her in order not to hurt her feelings. Tell her, that you can't communicate with her any longer. Apologize for taking her time and wish her to find happiness with another man. You'd better not delay such explanations, because the extent of attachment often depends on duration of communication period. Breaking communication in the very beginning is more humane towards somebody than giving hope and strengthening connection that will cut off sooner or later, isn't it? We hope that you won't need this information, but still take it into consideration.
Before the first talk prepare a crib with the details of prospective speech. If the lady's name seems hard-to-pronounce to you, write it down in any convenient way. You may also need the names of lady's family members (especially her children).
If you don't use services of a translator, put a dictionary at the place where you are going to be during your talk.
Write down a couple of topics that in your opinion can interest the lady. May be you have some questions that you would like to discuss in private. See that you ask them in the language the lady will understand.
If you exchanged contacts for a real-time conversation, discuss the time in a letter. Who calls first? You need to decide. If you don't talk about this question, the lady will probably wait for your call. But don't be surprised if she calls without a warning. Slavic women are spontaneous and impulsive, although they usually hope for a man to be active.
If you live with relatives, warn them about possible call from another country. Leave a message in writing to your family which they can read to the lady when she calls, if necessary (in case you are absent).
Some customs and habits of Slavic women may seem unacceptable at first sight. Don't draw early conclusions as for lady's bad manners or rudeness. Usually, it's not the case.
First talk
How to carry on the first real-time conversation? To begin with, take into account information about inappropriate behavior during "live" communication.
So, when talking over the phone or via Skype or video chat you shouldn't:
If you are doing this, the lady will feel that you are not interested in her. Be attentive and if an unexpected situation occurs, break off the conversation and say goodbye after explaining the reason of sudden conversation ending. It will be great, if you make a call the next time.
Try to stay positive throughout the whole conversation from the very beginning to its end. Try to be confident, but attentive and polite.
You must introduce yourself to your conversation partner (especially when talking over the phone). She may well be in communication with several men. Don't put her in a difficult situation. During the conversation call her by name. It usually makes a good impression on people. If you can't understand how the lady's name is pronounced, don't be ashamed and ask her. It's better than calling her by a wrong name.
How to find a topic for the first conversation? Read the last e-letter. Ask her questions on its content. Talking about the weather is banal, but still helps to start the conversation. Ask how her family and friends are doing, if she mentioned them in her letters. The woman has a cat, a dog or another pet? She'll be glad to hear your questions about it.
Be an active listener. Ask about things you didn't catch and don't be silent. Turn lady's speech into a dialogue, but don't interrupt her if she is absorbed in her story.
Don't understand a question? Apologize, try to find out what she is saying with the help of translator or interpreter and answer her next time.
Praise the lady, make her compliments, and support her initiative to change the topic. Help her overcome language barrier.
Look at woman's reaction to your words. Now you have instant feedback, so use it to develop your relationship. Trembling, silence, sighs, facial expression, blushing and other signals will let you make correct conclusions and control the course of conversation.
When writing letters you used your sense of humor cautiously because you didn't know how she would take it? Now you can be freer. Especially large opportunities are open while talking in a video chat. You can see lady's reaction by her eyes and facial expressions. As you understand, laughter is an amazing reaction to a joke.
Your conversation turned out almost perfect? You shouldn't protract it. If stopping in time, you won't seem importunate and will keep intrigue that may stir even greater woman's interest. Let the duration of your talks increase gradually.
After finishing the real-time conversation you must send your lady a message and thank her for attention and the talk. Discuss in letters (if you haven't done it before) time of the next "live" communication. Successful audio or video conversation is not the reason to stop writing messages. No every question can be asked and answered aloud, as well. The use of E-mails is a great chance to clear up the things you don't understand.
The first real-time conversation proved that you've made the right choice? Then keep on calling each other. And then the time may come for you to meet in reality.
